Broken and Fixed
Hey, what you up to.
I typed. I was lying on my bed, phone in hand, feeling like the happiest girl in the world. It was Saturday, I’d just come back from shopping with my girls, my mum had just made me strawberries and cream, I had Gizmo, my adorable black and white Border Collie, lying beside me with his head on my pillow, and my favourite TV show was on tonight.
Hey. I’m just in my bedroom.
I got a reply from Alex, my boyfriend. That’s right, my boyfriend. I keep replaying that word in my head. It’s like I can’t take the fact that we’re together. We’d been together for about 3 months, 2 weeks and 5 days. Yeah, yeah, I was obsessed. I just loved every moment with him. I stared dreamily at the ceiling, remembering what his face looked like, while Gizmo nestled into my shoulder.
Listen, we need to talk.
I peered at the message and my heart started thumping.
Quickly I replied, About what?
Even though I didn’t know what he was going to say, I started to get really worried. But, maybe I was overreacting? Maybe he just wanted to say…
Say what, though? There was nothing else he could say after that sentence, apart from…
No. Don’t think about that. Instead, I started stroking Gizmo. Short, frantic strokes.
I waited. And waited. And waited. It felt like I was waiting for hours.
About us, Ellie. Oh god. He never said my name like that. He must be serious.
What’s wrong? I felt like I had a block of ice in my throat, I couldn’t swallow.
He didn’t reply for about half an hour and I started feeling hysterical inside.
Look, I’m sorry.
I felt like screaming at him. Why couldn’t he just tell me what was wrong?
Sorry for what? I wrote back. My messages seemed natural and nonchalant, but it felt like my insides were exploding.
He hadn’t replied for about fifteen minutes, when I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I went for it. Look, Alex, I don’t know what you’re talking about, so just tell me. Stop sending me short texts, it’s really annoying. So can you just say what you want to say.
The last sentence was not a question, it was a statement. I wasn’t asking him, I was telling him. I was fed up.
After a few minutes of tense silence, I got a ping from my phone, which scared the life out of me. It just showed how shaky I was at that moment, dreading the next moment. Finally, the text that I was waiting for:
Look, I’m sorry, Ellie, for this. I was a bit blunt with you at first because I was scared of telling you. But I guess it’s the right time now. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you in person, though I’d love to. I love your smile, it lights up my whole day, I love your laugh, it cheers me up every time I’m sad, I love your style, you’re different from other girls, I love the way you don’t care what others think about you. But I’m breaking up with you. I don’t know how else to say it. You’re a brilliant person, just not the one for me. I’ve already met someone else. I’m sorry, Ellie. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Alex xx.
By the second word, tears were already spilling out of my eyes. I couldn’t bear the pain. I felt like I was the saddest girl in the world. With the last ounce of my strength, I typed carefully, I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you. And carried on crying silently into my pillow. Gizmo started whining, and licked my face.
I was surprised to have heard another ping come from my phone. Wiping the tears off my sticky face, I looked at the text through my blurry vision.
And it was not what I was expecting.
Joking, Ellie! April Fools’! (Hope I didn’t scare you too much XD) You know I love you really. Alex xx.
I had completely forgotten it was April 1st today! I nearly smacked myself in the head. How could I be so stupid? It just showed how vulnerable I really was to these situations. Jeez, I really needed to practice my confidence skills.
Strangely enough, though, it wasn’t anger boiling up inside me, it was laughter. I started laughing so hard, I nearly squashed Gizmo with me rolling around on the bed.
At last, I replied.
Don’t worry, Alex, I’ll get my revenge next year! Watch out! Love, Ellie x.